Would I rather always eat fresh salsa that I made at home?  Actually, I’d rather eat fresh salsa that someone else made for me, but sometimes the fastest option is the best option.  Hello, chip aisle at the grocery store.

But we’re like you – just because we’re lazy doesn’t mean we want to spend the next six hours of television with inferior salsa. In an effort to help you make the most out of your next lazy chips and salsa run, we’re going to try to get this business sorted out. We’ll pit two salsas against each other, then the winners of each review will go head to head in a final runoff, unless we have to runoff to the head before we get that far. (Because, salsa.)

Important: the grading scale is jar salsa specific. In other words, a perfect score of 30 for a jar salsa might not make it to 30 if it was being compared to a fresh salsa. Here we go, then…

On the Border Cantina Salsa Medium

On the Border Salsa is one of the brands that actually does live in the chip aisle. These are the brands that I suspect are regarded as poseurs by the brands in the salsa aisle. I have no such prejudice, so I picked up a jar to try out for the first time.

Flavor

Hard to make out any detail in the flavor here. It’s dense, with a vague taste of bean, even though no beans were harmed in the making of this salsa. For some reason, the word “corn” occurred to me upon trying it, but again, no corn. I couldn’t make out any particular cilantro flavor at all. All in all, the flavor is not bad, but not authentic, and kind of forgettable. Flavor: 5 out of 10

Texture/Consistency

The consistency was pretty darned good. There’s very little if any water in the bottom of bowl, and it’s got a nice even texture to it. Texture/Consistency: 9 out of 10

Heat

I like heat in my salsa (I usually prefer hot to medium, but I live in a democracy), so when the jar says medium, I expect a little heat at least in the aftertaste. I didn’t get ANY sense of heat from On the Border Medium Cantina Salsa, from the bite or the aftertaste. Heat: 1 out of 10

Herdez Salsa Casera Medium

Herdez can be found looking down on the chip aisle salsa from the international foods section or proper salsa aisles of the grocery. Being easily manipulated by labels and other marketing shenanigans, I had high hopes for this salsa. Let’s see if it lives up to my naive expectations.

Flavor

The flavor here seemed a little more sophisticated than On the Border (hence the superior attitude of the salsa aisle salsa, I guess). I could actually get hints of individual flavors, including a little cilantro. It came across as a more authentic salsa flavor, but it also reminded me a little of Chi Chi’s salsa. You may interpret my usage of the term “authentic” as you see fit. Flavor: 7 out of 10

Texture/Consistency

Yikes. This was really watery. It was even more watery than some of the watery brands slumming it in the chip aisle. It was so watery that my daughter and wife were grossed out by it. I have to stop saying watery or I’m gonna be sick. Texture/Consistency: 3 out of 10

Heat

This is very close to what I think of when I think of medium heat. I felt it, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Heat also helps flavor in my opinion, so the flavor was elevated accordingly. Heat: 9 out of 10

The Winner is…

With 19 points out of 30 and a hearty shrug, Herdez Salsa Casera Medium takes the win over On the Border Cantina Medium Salsa, which racked up 15 out of 30 points. As for me, the search continues – although I’d pick the Herdez in a pinch, neither of these salsas made me look forward to my next salsamergency.

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